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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28337835">Five times Miya Atsumu was not chosen and One time he was chosen yet he was left behind</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGoodChildClub/pseuds/TheGoodChildClub'>TheGoodChildClub</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M, Read at Your Own Risk</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 19:08:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,196</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28337835</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGoodChildClub/pseuds/TheGoodChildClub</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The title says it all.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>76</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Five times Miya Atsumu was not chosen and One time he was chosen yet he was left behind</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is the longest fic I've ever written! Cant believe for the 8k words. Please be gentle with me for my wrong grammars and typos. I haven't proofread this. Also, it's my first time writing a SakuAtsu fic. Bear with me peeps. Enjoy!</p><p>Edit: Shout out to my amazing friend, J! He proofread my work voluntarily. I'm so blessed to have him. Thank you so much.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I.</p><p> </p><p>Miya Atsumu knew that Miya Osamu will always be the favorite twin. Osamu will be the first to receive something on their birthdays, in Christmas and many more occasions. Osamu is the one whom their relatives gushed on and on while Atsumu was left in the corner trying his best not to show his discomfort. Atsumu knew his personality is not something to brag about. Atsumu is a jerk to his twin and to almost everyone. He had a pride bigger than his head and he loves to be the center of everyone's attention. Atsumu is never afraid to tell and show to everyone what he feels. That is why Atsumu tried many things to make up with his shitty personality. Atsumu tried to ace all of his exams and participate more in the activites in their school. Atsumu hopes, that with all of his efforts, his parents will see him as someone they can be proud of. So Atsumu thrives harder than anyone else, including his twin, Osamu. Sadly, his parents never looked for - <em>at </em>him. Osamu will always be the first one they will congratulate even though Atsumu is the top of their whole batch. Osamu will always be the first they will look for when they came home late from volleyball practice. Osamu will always be the favorite twin and Atsumu tried to accept it because he knows, but it doesn't mean that it hurt any less.</p><p>On the twins' 13th birthday, Atsumu woke up because of the noise downstairs. Atsumu looked for his twin to find him gone in their shared room. Atsumu immediately went down to find his brother crying in the corner while their parents are having a shouting match. Atsumu's eyes gaze at the luggage beside her mother. Atsumu wasn't an idiot. He knows what those luggage mean. It means her Mom is <em>leaving</em> them with <em>Osamu. </em>Atsumu’s sharp eyes didn't miss the small carry-on bag on Osamu's hand. Atsumu pleaded to his Mom not to leave them. The only thing he received is a blank stare and Osamu's whimper.</p><p>They said the world ends with a bang. In Atsumu's case, the world ends not with a bang, but with a blank stare, a hollow heart, and a soft whimper.</p><p>He never saw Osamu and his mother again.</p><p> </p><p>II.</p><p> </p><p>Atsumu stopped playing volleyball because it reminds him so much of his twin. Instead, he focused on studying and lessened the extra-curricular activities. He stopped trying to please his father who practically lives in his office and not on their once-called “home.” <em>What else can he do—he tried a lot of things and yet the two most important person to him still left him. </em>Atsumu did everything to distract himself when he was reminded of volleyball and his family. He was always in the school library to study or just to read books that interest him. Atsumu doesn't want to go back to an empty house.</p><p>It was close to 8 PM when he was ushered out of the library. And to his luck, it was raining and he didn't bring an umbrella. He cursed his absolute luck because he can't run in the rain, his laptop will get wet. Atsumu looked around the campus where some students were going home—night class. He went back to the library to ask for a plastic wrapping for his laptop. Before he started to run, someone called him and he saw an orange-haired boy who waved at him with his bright smile and a black-haired boy scowling at the former for being loud. The ginger-head teen, who he knew later as Hinata Shouyo and the other guy as Kageyama Tobio, offered Atsumu a spare umbrella. Atsumu looked at the umbrella and to Shouyo not knowing what to do with a fact that someone offered help to him. Atsumu knew from experience that when someone offered him help, they would ask for something in return. But Atsumu really needs the umbrella so he didn't question it anymore and thanked the red-haired boy, promising to return it to him tomorrow.</p><p>Atsumu didn't know that the umbrella would start a friendship with the two. Atsumu learned when they hang out after school that Shouyo and Tobio are part of their high school volleyball club. Atsumu didn't mention that he used to play volleyball because he would have to explain why he doesn't play anymore and it is not something he liked to share. Shouyo and Tobio are first year and while having a one-year gap between them, it didn't hinder their friendship. And to Atsumu's great horror, he found himself liking the ginger-head sunshine, who naturally orbits the people around him—Atsumu is not exempted from it.</p><p>Atsumu found himself being more aware of the red-haired's presence. He liked to indulge the younger teen on his silly antics while Tobio scolds them. He didn't liked Tobio but Atsumu found out that he's tolerable enough to be in company. They ate dinner, went to arcades, and he was even invited by Shouyo's mom to have dinner with them. Atsumu was really happy because for the first time since his twin left him, he found himself friends who are willing to be with him despite having a reputation of being a jerk. Atsumu is willing to do everything for them because he is the kind of guy who’s all or nothing.</p><p>Atsumu tried to suppress his feelings for Shouyo because he's afraid it will cause a rift in their friendship and he is not willing to risk it just for a teenage crush. Atsumu continued to feed himself lies after lies, that his feelings will change and that he will eventually get over his stupid admiration to the boy. So, he decided to hide the truth and feign ignorance whenever Tobio will look at him weirdly. But, according to the saying, you can never hide the truth forever. It is bound to show itself on the right time.</p><p>Atsumu was on his third year of high school when suddenly, his world started to crumble again.</p><p>Atsumu was on his way to the gym to watch Shouyo and Tobio on their personal practice. He went to the vending machine first to get them two bottles of Pocari to drink. Atsumu was smiling because he can't wait to tell his friends about the news of him getting admitted to a highly sought medical school in Tokyo.</p><p>".......like you, Shouyo."</p><p>Atsumu stopped on his track—not believing what he was hearing, so he leaned closer to the gap of the open gym door. And there, Atsumu saw Tobio kissing Shouyo. Atsumu's heart stopped beating for a moment and started to beat erratically. <em>He should have known. </em>Nothing good happens with Atsumu. A memory of his 13th birthday resurfaces. The look on his mother when she glanced at him before going out of their house—out of his life. The look on Osamu's face when he tried to look at Atsumu. Atsumu willed his heartbeat to calm down. He'd done this a lot. <em>Breath in, breath out. 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3. </em></p><p>"Shou, what about Atsumu? You know that he likes you too, right?" Atsumu's eyes widened at the sudden turn of events. He can't stay here any longer. His panic attack will consume him soon and he's afraid to be seen by them.</p><p>"I can't accept his feelings, Kageyama. We both know that I'll always choose you no matter what." Atsumu had heard enough and willed himself to walk away. He didn't look back. <em>I'm okay. I'm fine. It's going to be okay, Atsu.</em> Atsumu chanted it inside his head. But the water on his eyes, the crushing rejection he just received, and the comeback of the void in his heart told him differently.</p><p>Atsumu pretended that day didn't happen. He continued to hang out with Shouyo and Tobio but less than usual. He always reasoned to the two that he was very busy on preparing for his entrance exams for university despite it being done. He lied and lied and lied—to himself and to others. Atsumu had always been good in running away and so he did.</p><p>A month had passed and graduation was done. After graduation, Atsumu went out of Miyagi and went to his Tokyo apartment near the university he will be attending. He cut contact with Shouyo and Tobio. He blocked their number and in every social media he had.</p><p>Atsumu will start his new life with this new city.</p><p> </p><p>III.</p><p> </p><p>Atsumu grew up pleasing his parents. Atsumu challenged himself to do better for the sake of that one <em>“I'm proud of you, Atsu.” </em>Atsumu became obsessed on the idea that when he becomes better than anyone else, including Osamu, they will finally notice him. All he asked is a little appreciation from his love ones. Osamu used to assure him, to comfort him, and to give him a crying shoulder. But if there is one thing that is common with the twins, aside from their appearance, it is that they are attention-seekers. They both loved the attention people gave them. Osamu is subtle but Atsumu knew him so well and he would openly bask in the attention he receives. Their mom is not very subtle in expressing his love more for Osamu. So when their parents decided to get a divorce on their 13th birthday, their mom chose Osamu over Atsumu. Atsumu was left in his father's care ever since.</p><p>The few months after the divorce was the hardest shit Atsumu had ever gone through. His father can't function properly. They hired someone to keep their house clean. Atsumu's dad went out a lot to drink or to fool around. At 13 years old, Atsumu knew that their lives will never be the same anymore—his father will never be the same anymore. So, he tried to be the adult of the house until his father would finally come to his senses. Atsumu knew how much his father loves his mom so much. It can be seen how devastated and self-destructive he had become.</p><p>Seven months after the divorce, his father came home drunk. Atsumu looked at the digital clock, it was almost midnight. His father called him to ask where his Mom and twin went. The same routine. The same question. Atsumu, who is used to this, answered him a simple “<em>they are never going back.” </em>He had reached the first step of the stairs when he heard his father sniffling and mumbling. Atsumu never saw his father cried in front him even after their mom and Osamu left. Even though he favored Osamu over Atsumu, he still admired his father for his strong personality and as the foundation of their family. But, the man in front of Atsumu was not his father. His father is not this drunkard who forgot that he still has a son left with him. His father is not this messed up man who is still searching for the people who already left him behind. His father will never be this man because how could he be if the father he knew is not this irresponsible and pathetic.</p><p>For the first time in Atsumu's life, he shouted at his father with so much anger and pain.</p><p>"Mom and Osamu will never come back! How many times do I have to tell you this, Dad? Wake the fuck up and be a responsible father to me." <em>You still have me. </em>Unspoken words for the broken man. But Atsumu was also broken and yet he tried to pick himself up for his and father's sake. He needed to be stronger to keep them together.</p><p>A week after, his father didn't drink alcohol anymore. His appearance now was much better than the past months. He would come home late from work though. He became a workaholic but Atsumu thinks that it is much better than the pathetic excuse of a father he was during the past few months.</p><p>Years have passed and Atsumu became a university student. Atsumu majored in Veterinary Medicine. Atsumu is on his fifth year and he's 23 years old. Atsumu realized that, although people avoided him and found him unpleasant, animals loved to stick with him. So he decided to pursue a career he knows he will love.</p><p>Atsumu's relationship with his father didn't change. The man on his 50s is still a workaholic person. Atsumu rarely saw his father anymore. Atsumu stopped sending his greetings to his father every once in a while because he was always on read or ignored. Atsumu got busy on his university life and hasn't come back in Miyagi. He planned to go back this Christmas.</p><p>Atsumu was in his biology class when a school official asked him to be excused. Atsumu regretted following the person because the news they brought him is enough to make his numb being feel once again.</p><p>His father died due to heart failure. <em>He didn't even know that his father had heart complications. </em></p><p>The funeral was held two days after. He was excused from his academic activities for a week, letting him mourn to his father who stopped being a dad to him for a decade. Atsumu doesn't know how to react. Atsumu couldn't comprehend the fact that he has no family anymore. He's all he got. Atsumu didn't shed tears as the casket was buried six feet below.</p><p>A few weeks after his father was buried, a man introduced himself as his father's friend in the company. He gave Atsumu all of the belongings his father left in the office and a voice recorder tape.</p><p>Atsumu planned to put his father's belongings back home when he would visit on Christmas. He got curious on the tape recording and decided to play it.</p><p>A cough was heard from the tape and a mumble of sorry. "Hello to whoever hears this, it's currently August 12, 2020. My friend convinced me to do this for memory’s sake and to help me let out things. It's my wife's birthday today. She's 52 this time like me. Osamu would be 23 this year too. I hired someone to always check on my wife and son. They were doing well according to my source. That is all I ask for.'' There was a long pause and Atsumu thought the recording was finished but his father continued. "I still wish every year, for the past ten years, that we will finally be complete this Christmas. My other son, Atsumu, he's living in Tokyo while I'm here in Osaka. Atsumu reminds me so much of my other son, his twin, Osamu. It's hard to looked at him. It reminds me so much of what once I had. I miss my wife. I miss Osamu. I hope one day, they will come back to us." The tape ended with that.</p><p>The deafening silence followed by Atsumu's crazed laughing was heard in the apartment. Atsumu laughed so hard he was crying. He didn't want to know for what reason he was laughing or why he was crying. The tape was made a few weeks before his father died.</p><p>All he can think of is that his father still thought of his mom and brother even on his deathbed. Never once bothering for his child who is still there. Never once had Atsumu been chosen.</p><p> </p><p>IV.</p><p> </p><p>Atsumu met Suna Rintarou on his last year in med school. Atsumu was not keeping up with the Pro Volleyball League. Volleyball is all in the past. He doesn't want to bother with something irrelevant. Instead, Atsumu was very busy, now that he is in his sixth and final year in medical school. It kept him busy and distracted. The amount of school work is what kept him grounded in reality. And Atsumu knew he deserves those 1.3s or 1.2s on his grades.</p><p>Atsumu and his group mates were working on a project that would cost them half of their grades. One of his group members asked for a 15-minute break and Atsumu gave in. They've been working for almost two hours now. He heard one of his group mates, a girl with a timid personality, watching a Pro Volleyball match. With all the noise from the speaker, the words <em>“Suna Rintarou, amazing block from EJP Raijins”</em> are what he heard before he tuned it out to focus on his laptop. Atsumu would rather die than repeat this subject just because he didn't focus enough on their project that will either make or break his grades.</p><p>Coincidences do not exist. Atsumu believed that everything happens for a reason. Atsumu learned it the hard way. Over the years, he observes those people who come in and out of his life. The world is ever-changing. And Atsumu knows that people didn't stay. No matter how much they made him feel secured and loved. No matter how much you plead for them to stay. People come and go. So, when he met Suna Rintarou on November, he knew that this person will also leave him.</p><p>Atsumu made a quick stop on a French cafe he frequently visits to grab a large cappuccino. A cup of coffee is what kept him awake and moving in the university. When Atsumu entered the place, he heard someone uttered a familiar yet unfamiliar name. It's been years since he heard that name from someone besides his parents.</p><p>"....'Samu?"</p><p>Atsumu looked at the person who called his twin—a tall man with a build of an athlete, dark brown hair that swept both sides of his face, and yellow-gray narrowed eyes. Atsumu knew that he preferred boys since his awakening with his crush on Shouyo in his second year of high school. And he knew this man was attractive.</p><p>It turned out that Suna Rintarou knew his brother, who now lives in Hyogo. Atsumu didn't know his brother is in Japan because the last time he heard from his father, while he's on the telephone a few years ago, is that his mom and Osamu went to the US. Atsumu with his dyed blond hair was a big contrast to his brother who had gray hair, according to Suna. Atsumu learned Rintarou was best friends with his twin. Rintarou and Osamu met when Osamu went back from the US five years ago.</p><p>Atsumu felt deja vu when he started to hang out with Rintarou. It was the same kind of feeling with Shouyo. The same feeling of being happy in Suna's presence and enjoying the times when they would go out for lunch. Or when Atsumu was so stressed to meet the deadlines, the brunette would visit him to his apartment to make sure Atsumu didn't die from starvation. Rintarou became Atsumu's only friend in Tokyo. They became a lot closer since then. It helped that it was off season. Rintarou practically lived in his apartment. Suna knew that he didn't like to talk about his twin or any of his family members and he respected it. Atsumu was very grateful for him. Since he had stopped any communication from Shouyo and Tobio, Atsumu didn't know how much he craved a friend's presence in his life until Suna wormed his way in his life.</p><p>Atsumu knew, from the moment he met Suna, that he was attracted to the annoying but hot man. He was reminded of it when Suna knocked on his door one night, with his eyes twinkling with hidden excitement and happiness. How Atsumu would have known that, with Suna’s usual deadpan expression, was only possible if one hangs out a lot with him. The genuine smile on his face made Atsumu's heart skip a beat, knowing that only a few people can witness it. He's so blessed to be one of those people. But, Atsumu's daydreaming was cut short when he saw the person with Suna. It was his twin, Osamu. His brother who he haven't seen for years. Atsumu was filled with rage. How can Rintarou do this to him? He knew what happened to his family and yet the last person he wanted to see was in front of him—and Suna was the one who brought him to his door. Atsumu trusted Suna with everything. He felt betrayed. Atsumu slammed the door on their faces after he shouted at them not to show up ever again.</p><p>Two weeks after the incident, Atsumu can practically feel his soul going out of his body. He was so fucking exhausted, both mentally and physically. There are so many deadlines he had to meet because finals were almost there. And it doesn't help how everything outside his school life was practically falling apart. Two weeks of hell for Atsumu. It's a good thing Suna and Osamu didn't paid him another <em>surprise </em>visit again. He didn't hear anything from Suna because he blocked his number. But, despite being mad at Suna for doing the shit he did weeks ago, he still missed the man. Suna is Atsumu's friend or dare he say ‘best friend.’ Atsumu wanted to hear why Suna did what he did. And the best—no, <em>only</em> option—to know is to ask the person themself. He unblocked Suna and asked to meet with him at the French cafe where they first met.</p><p>Atsumu regretted ever knowing the truth. He should have cut off Suna without hearing the reason so that he wouldn't be hurting this much. God knows Atsumu lived a life full of pain and suffering. He should have known nothing good will ever happen to him.</p><p>Rintarou explained to him that he was updating Osamu every time about Atsumu's well-being. Osamu asked Rintarou to do this. About Atsumu's veterinary course, his dream of building his own clinic, his favorite TV shows and animes, his accomplishments in his school life for the past years, his fears and regrets in life, the things that made him sad and upset. Atsumu shared almost everything to Suna. The things he only trusted Suna to know—and Suna rat it out to the person he despised the most. You see, Atsumu believed that when a person leaves in your life, they don't deserve to know things about you anymore. They don't deserve to ask you and the people around you how you were and the things that made you smile because they left you already. Atsumu, with a shaky voiced, asked why Suna would do it for his twin, which he understand because he is a best friend to Osamu. But Suna was also a bestfriend to Atsumu—was he really?</p><p>"Because I love him. I'll do everything just to see him smile." Atsumu with his <em>everything</em> tried to pretend he's not crushed about the revelation. He was a great pretender. Atsumu tried to smile at Suna and told him not to bother with him anymore because he's cutting their friendship off. Atsumu commended himself for not breaking down in front of Suna. Atsumu pretended the pieces he had built from scratch didn't collapse in front of his very eyes. He's too proud to admit it.        </p><p>When Atsumu went back to his apartment, that was the only time he allowed himself to fall apart. He allowed himself to mourn to another friendship he had lost. He allowed himself to pour the pain of not being chosen again. Suna will do everything he can and will always pick Osamu above everything. Suna, despite knowing it will hurt Atsumu's feelings, still decided to hurt him just to make Osamu happy. How about Atsumu's happiness? Why is no one asking him about what will make <em>him</em> happy? Atsumu felt like he's not even an option, not even among the choices. He should be used to this but every time it happens, the pain and the void keep getting bigger and bigger and more painful. He really hated Osamu. Everyone loved him. His mom, dad, relatives, and now Suna. Atsumu has to beg and do everything in his power just to have a scrap of attention while Osamu just has to breathe and stand there and he's everyone's favorite. Atsumu hated his life. His life is full of utter bullshit. Everything is so unfair.</p><p>Atsumu vowed to never bother with friendship and love ever again.</p><p> </p><p>V.</p><p> </p><p>Atsumu will never win against Osamu. Osamu will always be the handsome, talented, polite, and everything Atsumu doesn't want to bother mentioning. He knew it. But there is a difference between knowing and understanding. Atsumu knew it since they were kids. Atsumu and Osamu were twins with the same appearance and body structure and people had a hard time seeing who is who. Atsumu knew that Osamu was the type of person a mother and father would be proud to show off to others. Osamu was also blunt and a jerk but Atsumu is much worse and he knows it. But Atsumu didn't understand, despite them being practically the same, why Osamu is always beloved and why is he always out-casted. It happened everyday in their home. His mom and dad would glow whenever Osamu gave them his grades and accomplishments in school. It happened when Osamu gained friends and Atsumu was hated because of his blunt and prideful personality. Atsumu doesn't filter his words. So when he likes or doesn't like someone, he will say it out loud because, in Atsumu's defense, he doesn't have a reason to lie to a person just to be friends with them. Atsumu does not understand why people say that honesty attracts people when people don’t want to do anything with him. Atsumu always asked himself if there was something wrong with him.</p><p>When that fateful day on the twins' 13th birthday happened, Atsumu cried so much. Atsumu tried everything he can to find the whereabouts of his mom and brother but his father started becoming self-destructive and so Atsumu tried to pick himself up and his father. Atsumu decided to be the pillar of their family which is falling apart. He tried to support the only person he has left.</p><p>Atsumu felt like all his efforts were in vain. The person who he tried to support and love doesn't see him. Even though his father is dying, all he can think about are the people who left them in pieces. Atsumu thinks his father is so pathetic that he doesn't deserve to call him as a father. But don't get him wrong, Atsumu was very grateful for the money he gave him because he wouldn’t be able to study in high school and college if wasn’t for his father. Aside from the money he provided, he didn't do anything else for Atsumu. His father didn't even ask him if how he was coping with his mom and brother abandoning them. Atsumu received neither a hug nor reassurance that everything will be okay. His father didn't bother to be with them through the hard times they were both experiencing. Atsumu had to be the one to do that, all for himself. So when Atsumu learned about his father's death, a part of him asked if there was a difference between before and after his death. His father was practically nonexistent in his life.</p><p>After him cutting off Suna in his life, Atsumu focused on his school works and finals. Three months until he graduates and he's done with university. Atsumu knows he can endure it because it has always been like that.</p><p>Fast forward to when Atsumu already graduated. Atsumu was the only one who doesn't have parents with him. Atsumu didn't bother thinking about it because it was also like that when he was in middle school, high school and now college. Atsumu lived for himself, nothing more and nothing less. He graduated as the valedictorian of his class. That is all Atsumu asked. Everything else was irrelevant to him.</p><p>Atsumu still had one final hurdle and that is to study for his board exam to be a licensed veterinarian. And the world really wants to fuck him up. All he asked was to be left alone and to study for his exam and yet the person in front of his door made him want to slap the person into oblivion. Osamu must be crazy to go back to his apartment after what happened a few months ago. Osamu begged to let him in. Atsumu had to call the guards to escort Osamu out of his apartment complex. Osamu came back after that, some days in succession and some on weekends. It was so annoying. Osamu was disturbing his inner peace. What the hell does Osamu wants from him? He refused to call Osamu his brother because to Atsumu, all of his family members died when he turned 13 years old.</p><p>On a Saturday night, Atsumu's patience snapped because of the continuous knocking on his door. This has been going on for a while and if Atsumu wants to ace the board exam then he had to make the other person stop. Atsumu opened the door and let Osamu in his home. He's too tired from fighting so he let Osamu tell him what he wants from him. Osamu said that their mom wants to see him. He also informed Atsumu that he will be living in Tokyo from now on with their mom but in a different house. Indeed, the world loved to fuck him over. He's not even surprised with the turn of events. He's so used to the shit the world had been throwing at his face since he was a kid. So, Atsumu contemplates, if he agrees then everything will be over and he can finally move on from his family. And if he did not agree, then Osamu, the stubborn shit he was, will continue to bother him for the rest of his life. Atsumu knew the decision he has to make. He agreed to meet his mom.</p><p>Atsumu has a great memory even if years have passed. He can still remember the woman who was standing in front of him. It was the woman who birthed him with Osamu. It was the woman he used to please with all his might. It was the woman who left him and his father and brought Osamu with her. It was the woman who destroyed the only thing he had, a family. It was the woman who broke his father, the only family he had. Her hair was turning gray, but the beautiful face which they inherited was still the same. Atsumu always thought his mom is the most beautiful woman he had ever laid his eyes on. Years after, he still thought the same despite what she did. She looked at Atsumu like she had missed him. Atsumu doesn't bother knowing if it's true or not. Atsumu noticed a girl around eight to ten years old who had the same hair color as his mom in a lighter shade but a different set of eyes, the softest emerald green he had ever seen. The girl was so beautiful. And suddenly, it clicked everything inside his head. The reason why his mom asked Osamu to meet with her was not because she wants to know Atsumu's well-being but because she wanted him to meet her other kid with another man. Atsumu really, <em>really </em>should have known. The girl, Aki as she introduced herself knew him as his half-brother for a long time. Aki is nine years old. So she was born two years after the fallout of his family. Atsumu also learned that his mom remarried a year and half after she left them. He doesn't have any choice but to soak in all the information thrown at him. Atsumu reminded himself of his one and true sole purpose of agreeing to this meeting. He asked his mom—no, the woman in front of him the question he'd been dying to ask since he was 13 years old. Atsumu asked why she left them and why did she only took Osamu with her.</p><p>Atsumu, after 11 long years finally understand her mother's actions and decisions. Atsumu, at the age of 24 years old, understood why his mother left them. The woman told him she doesn't want to stay with their father anymore. It was an arranged marriage, after all. She explained to Atsumu how much she tried to love his father but as years passed by and as the twins grew, she can't help but want to get out to something weighing her down. She was also brutally honest with Atsumu. She told him that Atsumu and his father were so alike and she can't bear it. So she took Osamu with her whom he reminds her of herself. Atsumu, from the bottom of his heart was so glad to know the truth at the age of 24 years old because if it had been a 13-year old Atsumu, he wouldn't be able to take it.</p><p>Atsumu also asked Osamu why he didn't bother to tell about their mother not wanting to stay anymore. Knowing Osamu, he must have knew about what their mother was feeling and thinking. They had always been too close since then. Osamu answered him with a simple “Mom would be lonely if I didn't come with her. She really needs me.” The bastard simply stated it like he was reciting a weather forecast and not breaking Atsumu's heart for the millionth time.</p><p>Atsumu's family died when he turned 13 years old. His father was not an exemption because his dad died the moment his mom and Osamu left them. The people in front of Atsumu were not his twin brother and his mother. In Atsumu's mind, heart, and body, they are not alive anymore.</p><p>The lingering thoughts of his mom and Osamu of never choosing him made his broken-beyond-repair heart to feel a sting of pain.           </p><p> </p><p>VI.</p><p> </p><p>Atsumu took a full-time job as one of the veterinarians in the animal hospital in Tokyo after he passed his exam for a year. He earned a lot in a year because he's a well-known vet in Tokyo for his excellent performance thanks to his studies in university. Atsumu loved the career he took. He poured the love he has to the animals he treated and to the strays he encountered. A year after he worked in the animal hospital in Tokyo, Atsumu built his first ever clinic in Osaka. The place he bought was very convenient for him. The upper part of the clinic is his new apartment with two bedrooms, a big shower, a spacious living room and a decent-sized kitchen. It was all Atsumu needed to survive.</p><p>Months after Atsumu opened his clinic, a lot of customers became his regulars. Atsumu's charm is not a joke. He can sweet talk, not just the animals, but the owners of the animals he treated as well. He's a natural charmer. Atsumu is beloved by the animals. They love him. A job suited for Atsumu.</p><p>Atsumu finished his operation on a Siberian Husky, who had a cyst in her stomach, when the telephone rang. He was alone for 30 minutes because he let his assistant, Kita Shinsuke, have his break. A frantic voice rang to Atsumu's ear when he answered the phone.</p><p>"Hello, this is the veterinary clinic, right? I saw your number when I passed by your clinic a week ago. My cat is making some weird sounds right now. She's everywhere and very clingy. Is she dying? What the heck am I supposed to do?" The person on the other end didn't bother to let Atsumu talked and continued with his concerns right away. Atsumu thought that the person must be a first time owner of a female cat.</p><p>"Hello Sir, I know you must be panicking right now but worry not, your cat is not dying." Atsumu paused when he heard a sigh of relief. Atsumu continued, "Based on what you described to me, your cat must be in heat. I assume this is the first time it happened, right?" A grunt of yes was heard. "To make you feel at ease and help you understand more about female cat heat, you can come in my clinic today. We're open until 7 PM." A small, “Okay, I’ll be there in fifteen,” is all he heard when the line was cut off.</p><p>True to his word, the person came 15 minutes later. And boy oh boy, the man was very much his type. The man is too damn attractive for his own good. Too bad Atsumu is so done in love.</p><p>Atsumu later learned that the name of the black, curly-haired eye candy was Sakusa Kiyoomi. It's been a while since he was attracted to someone's appearance at first sight. Atsumu was really stuck between wanting the man to come back to his clinic and never to see him again. Atsumu knew he was interested with the grumpy man with a cat in heat. Atsumu also knew that it was a bad idea to be interested in Sakusa because the first step in falling in love is interest.</p><p>He saw Sakusa again after two weeks. The tall man, carrying his cat, Chizu, is asking Atsumu to vaccinate her. Atsumu knows from his peripheral vision that Sakusa is watching him talk to his cat like it is a person who can answer him. To Atsumu's defense, the cat answered him with her meowing. It was the very first time he felt someone might be interested to him as well. Chizu is scheduled to be vaccinated every month.</p><p>You see, no matter how much Atsumu resist the pull of a man called Sakusa Kiyoomi, he can't seem to get out from the magnetic field he was stuck on. Atsumu didn't want to get out. </p><p>A week after his second encounter with Sakusa, the man barged in his clinic on a fine Friday late morning while there were customers lined up by the chairs. Sakusa didn't brought his Chizu with him when Shin, his assistant, asked told him there was an attractive tall man who has gloves and a mask on. When Sakusa saw Atsumu, he went towards the blonde.</p><p>"Miya, go out in a date with me. Here's my number, call me after you went home." Atsumu was shocked to Sakusa's straight forward confession. Sakusa smirks when he saw Atsumu beet red and heard the hooting of his regular customers. “<em>About time, Dr. Miya” </em>and “<em>Congrats on your date, Doc Miya” </em>are some of the things he heard from them. After Sakusa told him, he need to go because he still has an afternoon practice. And before Atsumu knew it, he was left with a number on a piece of post-it paper and Sakusa is nowhere to be seen. He would like to ask Sakusa about his so-called practice.</p><p>His date with Sakusa is a successful one. They went to an Italian restaurant Sakusa loved. Atsumu learned a lot of things from him. He learned that Sakusa is a pro volleyball player and a popular one. He's an outside hitter for the Division 1 team MSBY Black Jackals. He learned about Sakusa's germaphobia. At the end of their first date, Atsumu asked Sakusa if he can call him Omi-kun. Sakusa grunted a<em> NO</em>, Atsumu only laughed at him and still calls him Omi-kun and Omi-Omi just to annoy him. Atsumu allowed himself to enjoy and be happy.</p><p>The first date became second, then third and fourth, until the fifth date when Sakusa asked Atsumu to be his boyfriend. Atsumu is the happiest person in the world. Finally, someone decided to choose him.</p><p>Atsumu and Sakusa decided not to make their relationship publicly known because of their reputation—Atsumu, a well-known vet and Sakusa, a well-known pro player. Only those closest to Sakusa knew about their relationship: namely his cousins, the Black Jackals, and his parents. They had their own routines. Atsumu would visit Sakusa in the Black Jackals Gymnasium to watch him and his teammates practice. Sakusa would come to Atsumu's clinic just to watch him do his work. They would go to each other's apartment. Atsumu learned to clean his flat carefully even if Sakusa is not visiting. Atsumu would cook for Sakusa in front of him because he must see if Atsumu prepared it cleanly, and Sakusa would cook for Atsumu whenever Atsumu asked—begged him to do so. Despite Sakusa's remarks and refusal, Sakusa found himself always indulging in Atsumu.</p><p>In their fifth month of being together, Atsumu confessed that he used to play volleyball until his family started to fall apart. Atsumu told everything to Sakusa. Atsumu opened up his very soul to him. Atsumu told him about how his family was broken after her mother and twin brother left them on his birthday, his first love with Shouyo and how he chose Tobio. He later knew that Tobio is also a volleyball pro in a different team in Division 1, Shouyo used to be Sakusa's teammate in Jackals until he decided to go to Brazil to play in a professional league there. Atsumu told him about his dad, the encounter with Suna, with his twin Osamu and his mother. Atsumu bared everything to Sakusa. He allowed Sakusa to make love with him.</p><p>Atsumu is the happiest person in the planet. It was so different with the feelings he felt for Shouyo and Suna. This one, he knows, is real love.</p><p>And for the first time in Atsumu's life, he felt the love he has so much to give returned back with the same intensity.</p><p>Their life continued on with the same routine. Atsumu met the Sakusas on their first Christmas together. His mother was very welcoming and his father is a good natured man. Sakusa's older sibling was also there. They welcome him and made him feel at home.</p><p>Their first anniversary should be today and they planned to have a simple but romantic dinner at Atsumu's flat. Atsumu cleaned his apartment thoroughly as usual. He prepared steaks for them. Red wine and a cheesecake, Sakusa's favorite dessert. It was 7 PM when he finished preparing everything, with dim lights and candles in the dining table. He also prepared a bouquet of peonies. Everything is perfect. All that is needed is Sakusa's presence. At any time now, the raven-head will come through his door and they will be eating the steak he prepared. It was supposed to be like that but Atsumu noticed Sakusa is late. It's 9:30 PM already and he haven't receive any text or call from Sakusa. Atsumu started to get worried. Atsumu got tired of watching the television and paced back and forth in his living room. When a ping sound came from his phone, he immediately went to look for it.</p><p>
  <em>"'Tsumu, I'm sorry. I can't come today. Something came up. I'll go to your place tomorrow." </em>
</p><p>Atsumu doesn't know what to feel. He looked at the message Sakusa sent him. He started to feel his anxiety creeping in. He replied to Sakusa that it was fine and he'll see him tomorrow. His text was unread.</p><p>Two days after their supposed anniversary, Atsumu closed the clinic for two days because he doesn't want his work to be affected by the amount of emotions he feels. He was preparing for his bed when he heard the heavy knocking on his door. Sakusa knocked on his door at 10 PM.</p><p>Sakusa's usually styled curls were messy and it looks like he has been running his fingers through it. His brows were furrowed and, even with his mask on, Atsumu knew he was frowning. Atsumu let Sakusa in. No one talked and they were enveloped in silence. Until Sakusa cried. Atsumu was so shocked as he went to ask Sakusa what happened, why he is crying.</p><p>"I'm so sorry, Atsumu. So so sorry." Atsumu doesn't understand why Kiyoomi is apologizing. If it's about the anniversary dinner, of course he can forgive him.</p><p>Atsumu let Kiyoomi continue to cry. He pulls Kiyoomi towards him and that made him cry harder. Atsumu can't bear it to see his Kiyoomi cry. Kiyoomi pull away and stared right at him.</p><p>"Atsumu, I need to tell you something. Please, listen to me." Atsumu's heart started to beat faster. He doesn't feel like Kiyoomi will tell him good news.</p><p>Kiyoomi took a deep breath and Atsumu wished he didn't talk at all. "The two days I was away, I'm with Wakatoshi. You know him, right? There was an after party in the Adlers-EJP Raijins match. He invited me and, since Motoya is there, I agreed. I'm sorry, I didn't tell you about it. I know you wouldn’t let me go because of Wakatoshi but I wanted to."</p><p>Atsumu knew about Wakatoshi Ushijima, Kiyoomi's ex-boyfriend of three years. The only man he loved before Atsumu. Kiyoomi told him they dated when Kiyoomi was still in college. If it was just a party and Motoya was there then Atsumu doesn't have a problem with it. But the fact that Kiyoomi didn't tell him about this made him feel betrayed.</p><p>Kiyoomi continues, "Atsumu, what I realize is that, I just woke up one day and I realize I don't love you anymore. I'm so sorry, 'Tsumu." Kiyoomi finished with brimming tears in his orbs.</p><p>Atsumu pinched himself to know if he was just dreaming or not. He even ask Kiyoomi to stop joking around and that he's willing to forgive him for forgetting their anniversary and for keeping the party a secret. Kiyoomi looked at him in confusion when he mentioned the anniversary.</p><p>Atsumu doesn't even know why everything was so familiar. The way Sakusa crumbled in front of him and wept because he forgot their anniversary and that he chose to go to his ex. Atsumu with all his jumbled feelings looked at Kiyoomi coldly.</p><p>"So you were saying you just woke up and didn’t love me anymore? Are you fucking kidding me, Kiyoomi? How the hell does that even work? How can you just lose all your love for me in just a matter of closing your eyes and opening it?! Don't fuck with me and tell me the truth!"</p><p>That's when everything came crashing down on Atsumu. Kiyoomi confessed he had been seeing Wakatoshi for months now, as a friend catching up. Wakatoshi came back from Poland and will be staying to play again for Adlers. Sometimes when they are not together, he's hanging out with Tobio and Wakatoshi, or just Wakatoshi. Tobio came back a month ago from Italy to play in Adlers again. Kiyoomi confessed how painful it was every time he was with Wakatoshi, he made him feel something he thought was long gone. Kiyoomi also told him that at the night of the party, two days ago, Wakatoshi confessed to Kiyoomi that how he is still the one he loves, even after all the years they were separated. And Kiyoomi, confessed back that he still feels the same way with Wakatoshi. Nothing happened between them. Kiyoomi stayed low for 2 days in a hotel room in Tokyo where the party happened. Kiyoomi reassessed his feelings for Wakatoshi and Atsumu. And when Kiyoomi had decided what to do, he immediately went in Atsumu's place in Osaka to tell him everything.</p><p>Silence met the last word of Kiyoomi's confession. Atsumu can't believe that this is happening right now. He doesn't want to believe in this clownery. It's been months since Kiyoomi had been seeing Wakatoshi and Kiyoomi didn't even bother to tell him, his boyfriend, about it. He felt cheated. He felt betrayed. How can Kiyoomi do this to him? He's the last person Atsumu would ever thought of doing this fuckery on him. Everything was absurd. But there is one thing that registered in Atsumu's mind, in the midst of the chaos of his heart and mind, one raw and painful truth.</p><p>Sakusa Kiyoomi chose Ushijima Wakatoshi over Miya Atsumu.</p><p>Kiyoomi doesn't even let Atsumu fight for him, for them. He made his decision already. Atsumu just want to laugh so hard it hurts. He realizes even if you are chosen at one point, it doesn't guarantee that they will keep choosing you for the rest of your life. He must be crazy for thinking Kiyoomi will keep on choosing him just like how Atsumu chose him above anything else. Kiyoomi knows everything. Kiyoomi knows his very soul and still left.</p><p>As Kiyoomi broke up with him and left him two days after their anniversary, Atsumu felt like his whole world and heart left too. Nothing can heal these wounds. Even if it does heal someday, Atsumu will always love Kiyoomi with everything. Even if Kiyoomi did not choose him in the end, even if he was left behind.</p><p>How can Atsumu go back to being stranger with a person who saw his soul? The only person he bared his everything with? The very person he truly loved from the bottom of his heart?</p><p>The answer?</p><p>He can't.</p><p>He just can't.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Did I make you cry? Are you cursing at me right now? I'M SO SORRY. I just released every shit i felt this year in this story. I'm so sorry Atsu. I love Ushijima don't bash him :(</p><p>Edit: The twins got separated when they were 13 years old. Osamu went back to Japan from the US five years after (18 years old). Suna and Osamu met when Osamu was in his first year in university while Suna went straight to Pro Leagues after high school graduation. The Miyas in this fic lived in Miyagi. So, Atsumu doesn't have the Kansai accent like in other fics. Atsumu, Tobio, and Hinata attended a nameless school (I decided not to mention the name of school) meaning they're not from Karasuno. Maybe you guys are wondering because Atsumu doesn't have any part-time job and he can still continue in his last year of college and can live in his apartment and not starve. It’s because his father left all he had to Atsumu. His Father is a wealthy man. Actually, the Miyas are filthy rich. The twins’ mom is also rich on her own that is why she can transfer them in the US right away. As far as I know, the US is one of the hardest countries to acquire VISA. That's all I know, sorry if it's not accurate.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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